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Bride’s Side

mellMaid of Honor – Mellania Safarian  |  San Diego, CA

I met Mell at our first job – scooping popcorn at a movie theater in our hometown. We instantly became friends and braved swarms of moviegoers together. 10 years later, we’ve braved much more, and dished over pasta in Rome and burgers at In-N-Out alike. I couldn’t be more grateful for her. Today she practices law and has the most adorable Pomeranian named Henny.

BrandyBridesmaid & Sister – Brandy Napoli  |  La Crescenta, CA

Everyone needs a Disneyland buddy – someone who will make the drive out to Anaheim and ride every ride with the enthusiasm  and glee of a 6-year-old. I’m lucky enough that that’s my sister and she doesn’t mind going on the Indiana Jones ride upwards of 5 times. She is kind, beautiful, and I love her.

GraceBridesmaid – Grace Butler   |  Goleta, CA

Grace and I solidified our friendship while dancing the Macarena on Gili Trawangan Island in Indonesia. Since then, I eagerly looked forward to Butler family vacations when we’d get to travel and hang out together. Now we live 10 minutes from each other and are close friends. Grace is a teacher,  avid crafter, and hot wing eater.

honeyBridesmaid – Honey Kruger  | Ventura, CA

One of Shane and my earliest dates was dinner with Honey and her now-husband, Joey at their house. 7 years later I can say that from that night on, their door has always been open to us. Honey and I have bonded so much through late night conversations, hiking, camping trips and playing with her kittens. She is a health educator at CSU Channel Islands and a BBQ grill master specializing in tri-tip.

LaurenBridesmaid – Lauren Gokbudak  |  San Francisco, CA

I became roommates with Lauren for the short time between graduating UCSB and before moving to Indonesia. Even though we didn’t live together long, I have the best memories in our dumpy house on Calle Pinon – especially Sunday brunches in the backyard. Lauren is outgoing, grounded, always seeking fun, and playing good music. She is a cost accountant at Anchor Brewing and makes an amazing kale salad.

karaBridesmaid – Kara Farkas  |  San Francisco, CA

Kara and I have shared many things: a desk at the Santa Barbara Sailing Center, bunk beds in our house on Calle Pinon, good times traveling in Bali and the Gili Islands, and so many memories. She never fails to make me laugh both intentionally and unintentionally and is always down for adventures. She is a business analyst at the Lending Club and loves pugs and sailing (we call her Captain Kara).


Groom’s Side

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Best Man – Joseph “The Aloe Vera Leaf” Krueger | Ventura, CA

  • Height: 5’9”
  • Hair Color: Brown
  • Eye Color: Brown
  • DOB: 04/03/1989
  • Favorite Spice Girl: Baby Spice
  • Longest Time Without Shower: 5 days
  • Current Mile Pace: 8 to 9 min
  • Greatest Fear: Jelly Fish
  • Celebrity Crush: Pink Power Ranger
  • Weapon of Choice: Long Range Laser
  • Cat Person

Joey first met Shane at middle school recess after delivering his report on the science of sleep in their 6th grade science class. Even back then, Joey believed that the key to a healthy life was a good night’s sleep, which meant a quality sleeping apparatus. For years, Joey was convinced that the chair was the ideal mechanism for daily short-term human hibernation. But everything changed in 2011 when Joey pursued his Master’s of Economics at the University of California at Santa Barbara. Joey didn’t have a clue what economics was all about, he thought he was going to culinary school, but he did like the way the swirly lines on the Supply & Demand graph would move up and down in response to one another. This picture of course led to his ultimate paradigm shift from the chair-centric sleep philosophy he had proclaimed for years to that of the adjustable bed position. To take a quote from Joey’s 2017 Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech, “Yeah dude, it’s like a bed, but you can also make it all chair like too. You can be all horizontal and then marklar mc gnar gnar, you’re all perpendics. It’s everything anyone could ask for!” Today, Joey is Director of Product and Innovation for a high end adjustable bed manufacturer.

What others say about Joey

  • “A true and inspiring leader. Would follow the guy anywhere. I wish I was more like him!” – Lee Williams (employee)
  • “King of logistics and the derpiest genius I know” – Aaron Hussmann (childhood friend)
  • “He’s a great dad, but he’s got the music taste of a dick head.” – Shane Krueger (Joey’s future son, age 6)

 

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Groomsman & Brother – Charlie “Charmeleon” Butler | Portland, OR

  • Height: 5’11”
  • Hair Color: Brown
  • Eye Color: Blue
  • DOB: 01/13/1993
  • Favorite Spice Girl: Baby Spice
  • Longest Time Without Shower: 5 days
  • Current Mile Pace: 5 to 6 min
  • Greatest Fear: Dropping change in line at the grocery store
  • Celebrity Crush: Lola Bunny
  • Weapon of Choice: Kindness … or a knife
  • Dog Person

Charlie met Shane in 1993, only 61 years after legos were invented. Although slightly late to the game, Charlie picked up on legos pretty quick – eating his first lego only one year later. Since tasting that lego, Charlie has lived his life as a culinary savant, challenging himself to explore new and unique ingredients for each of his dishes, testing the boundaries between what is and isn’t food. His greatest breakthrough occurred in the summer of 2006 when a freak accident caused him to stumbled across the texture and flavor effects of human saliva in his dishes. This culinary advancement had been unheard of before his time, and so Charlie approached the use of this experimental ingredient with caution, often deliberately omitting the reporting of its use to his consumers. Charlie’s breakthrough was a huge hit with his unsuspecting target segment of high school juniors and seniors. Unfortunately, due to his negligence in reporting the substance as an ingredient, the use of saliva in human food was banned just 2 years later on the grounds of ethics, despite no scientific proof regarding negative impacts by the product on his consumers.

What others say about Charlie

  • “Charlie made the best quesadillas. Loved every bite!” -Joey Krueger (ate Charlie’s spit)
  • “Make us some snacks Charlie!” -Aaron Hussmann (also eats spit)
  • “Charlie, go make me a sandwich!” -Ian Rollf (spit food lover)
  • “Dude you rock Charlie, thanks for the late night bites!” -Kyle Psilopoulos (another guy who ate Charlie’s spit)

 

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Groomsman – Lee “The Beard” Williams | Goleta, CA

  • Height: 5’9”
  • Hair Color: Brown
  • Eye Color: Blue
  • DOB: 01/07/1989
  • Favorite Spice Girl: Sporty Spice
  • Longest Time Without Shower: 5 days
  • Current Mile Pace: 8 to 9 min
  • Greatest Fear: Living up to my boss Joey’s expectations
  • Celebrity Crush: Ryan Reynolds/Gosling
  • Weapon of Choice: Icicle
  • Cat Person

A complete psychopath, Lee wets his toothbrush before applying toothpaste to the brush. He met Shane in middle school where Shane and Joey tutored him in Art. A strong-willed and self-motivated young man, Lee was never discouraged by his own lack of creativity.  Inspired by their imagination, Lee has spent his life shadowing Joey and Shane in an effort to understand what it means to be an artist. Most recently, Lee followed Joey and Shane to Santa Barbara where they are attempting to teach him how to be a designer. It’s going okay.

What others say about Lee

  • “Lee’s a decent employee, but a bit of a manchild. Areas of improvement might include timeliness of deliverables and general prioritization of tasks.” Joseph Krueger (Lee’s Boss)
  • “I don’t know the guy that well. More of an acquaintance. But he’s been a great friend to my son.” – Lori Williams (Lee’s mother)

 

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Groomsman – Aaron “The Gargoyle” Hussmann | On the Road, USA

  • Height: 5’10”
  • Hair Color: Brown
  • Eye Color: Blue
  • DOB: 05/09/1989
  • Favorite Spice Girl: Sporty Spice
  • Longest Time Without Shower: Over a week
  • Current Mile Pace: 8 to 9 min
  • Greatest Fear: Living a mediocre life
  • Celebrity Crush: Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman
  • Weapon of Choice: Psychological Torment
  • Dog Person

Shane and Aaron first met protesting an illegal chair tax in their middle school social studies class. Aaron’s only gotten more into chairs since then. His favorite? The “Tip Ton” designed by Barber & Osgerby for Vitra. Manufactured from a single mould without any mechanical components, this stylish chair is highly durable and 100% recyclable. The Tip Ton can be stacked up to four chairs high and comes in eight different colours. A die hard activist with a real passion for sustainable chairs, Aaron has remained partisan to the upright chair sleeping movement. Devastated by Joey’s conversion to the adjustable bed school of thought in 2011, the two haven’t spoke in over 7 years. Not typically a violent person, Aaron is extremely anxious about any upcoming confrontations with Joey at the wedding and so should be approached with extreme caution. Aaron still does not pay his taxes to this day.

What others say about Aaron

  • “OMG I love that guy!!! He’s my hero ❤ ” – Squirrel # 591210927538
  • “Aaron’s full of shit.” – Kyle Psilopoulos (Climate Change Skeptic and generally untrustworthy person

 

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Groomsman – Ian “The Rock” Rollf | San Diego, CA

  • Height: 6’1”
  • Hair Color: Brown
  • Eye Color: Green
  • DOB: 05/12/1989
  • Favorite Spice Girl: Sporty Spice
  • Longest Time Without Shower: Over a week
  • Current Mile Pace: 6 to 7 min
  • Greatest Fear: Peanut Butter
  • Celebrity Crush: Jude Law
  • Weapon of Choice: What did you say Kyle’s biggest fear was?
  • Dog Person

Ian met Shane in PE some time in the early 2000s at which point Ian shared with the class the physical, mental, and spiritual benefits of breath control, simple meditation, and bodily posture. Today Ian is an Systems Test and Qualification Engineer for an aerospace company, but his true passion is reflected in his work as a Yoga Evangelist. In addition to contributing significantly to Ian’s muscular physique, Ian’s dedication to yoga is drawn from the connection it provides him to his true essence and oneness within his self. His passion for the art of Yoga is most apparent in his 2014 best seller Pasta & Pilates where he states, “If you don’t yoga, then get the f*** out of my face.” A frequent practicer of assisted sleep yoga, it is no surprise that Ian is proponent of the adjustable bed movement with the new heights it’s allowed him to reach in yoga even during REM.

What others say about Ian

  • “Astounding ability to find his way home” – Aaron Hussmann (friend and student)
  • “I will leave Cameryn for you. Just say the word! Please answer my calls. I’m sorry. I love you!” – Kyle Psilopoulos (Ian Rollf Fan Girl)
  • “From the period of 2008 to 2011, Mr. Rollf accounted for 1.5% of our global profits. One of my favorite customers.” Claudio Colzani (CEO, Barilla Group)

 

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Groomsman – Kyle “Little Baby” Psilopoulos | Lake Tahoe, CA

  • Height: 6’2”
  • Hair Color: Brown
  • Eye Color: Green
  • DOB: 10/26/1989
  • Favorite Spice Girl: Howie Dorough Spice
  • Longest Time Without Shower: 10 hours
  • Current Mile Pace: 7 to 8 min
  • Greatest Fear: People eating my snacks
  • Celebrity Crush: Ian Rollf
  • Weapon of Choice: Baby Tantrums
  • Dog Person

Founded in 1989 as a single entity, Kyle didn’t realize Santa Claus wasn’t real until 8th grade. In 2007, Kyle sold his soul to Shane in exchange for a Supreme Crunchy Taco from Taco Bell. Kip Kaehler later invested in a small percentage of the soul, and has been a driving force in growing Kyle to its current state. Privately-held by Shane and Kip, future growth plans for Kyle have not been publicly announced. There has been no official stance made by Kyle or on behalf of Kyle by his holders in regards to the chair vs adjustable sleep debate, although public record of Kyle’s contributions would suggest a historic predilection towards the crib party.

What others say about Kyle

  • “Meh” – Cameryn Brock (Kyle’s Girlfriend of 6 years)
  • “Kyle’s invited?” – Every Groomsman

 

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Groomsman – Kip “The Tank Engine” Kaehler | San Francisco, CA

  • Height: 5’10”
  • Hair Color: Brown
  • Eye Color: Unknown
  • DOB: 03/01/1989
  • Favorite Spice Girl: Ginger Spice
  • Longest Time Without Shower: 2 days
  • Pin Number: 5477
  • Current Mile Pace: 6 to 7 min
  • Greatest Fear: Carbs
  • Celebrity Crush: Hello Kitty
  • Weapon of Choice: The most susceptible person in the room
  • Dog Person

Kip first met Shane in the dorms during their first year of college. A criminal genius and overall evil person, Kip’s first interaction with Shane was at lunch time when he knocked Shane’s chocolate milk over and said “This is my dorm. I run this place. Know your place, scrub. Now clean up that milk!” Kip spent most of his college years pranking Shane and his friends Kyle, Ian, and Joey. Often times, Kip would frame others for his pranks, creating a general environment of paranoia and fear in his circle of “friends”. Kip continues to bully Shane to this day and thus has forced his way into the wedding party. In June 2018, Kip kidnapped Shane’s puppy for 3 days and threatened not to return her until Shane made him a groomsman.

What others say about Kip

  • “Don’t look him in the eyes. He can see through to your soul.” – Joey Krueger (Victim of Kip)
  • “Hate him. He’s always picking on me. Oh is he going to see this? I mean…he’s so nice. Please don’t tell him I said anything bad about him.” – Lee Williams (Kip’s best friend)
  • “Yes, I speak to Kip daily so I know him pretty well. Best friend? I would say he’s more of a son to me. I’ve essentially taught him everything he knows.” – Jack Klauber (Kip’s Mentor and Life Coach)